All Hands on Tech

GADGETS & GEAR / Reviews by Cory Waterhouse

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MB&F Starfleet Machine Clock

Price: $TBA

According to presenters: “Starfleet Machine is engineered and crafted by L’Epée 1839, Switzerland’s only remaining specialized high-end clock manufacture, founded in 1839. Starfleet Machine is an intergalactic spaceship-cum-table clock, featuring hours and minutes, double retrograde seconds and power reserve indicator. The highly visible, superlatively finished in-house movement boasts an exceptional power reserve of 40 days. Starfleet Machine has been designed by MB&F, the award-winning artistic and micro-engineering laboratory…”

4L Magazine’s take: To me, this kinda looks like a weaponized kitchen egg timer. Which means I’d immediately like four of them, please. And even though I think Star Trek is terrible (sorry Dad!), having this around the house might be a good conversation starter. About how Star Trek sucks. MBandF.com

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Canari Cyclewear Men’s M Gel Cycle Liner Padded Cycling Short

Price: $30

According to presenters: “Now you can turn your favorite pair of all-around shorts into cycling specific gear with this comfy Gel Liner featuring 4-panel comfort construction, lightweight and durable mesh fabric along with a 1½” Canari signature waistband…”

4L Magazine’s take: Since I’m an old fat guy, riding my bike for long periods of time around Calavera Hills can be a tad painful after a while. But lo and behold … there’s a fantastic cycling accessory company in San Diego named Canari that has the solution to all your numb/sore/sad butt problems. And, yes, these are worn under a pair of Dickies shorts … because I don’t feel the need to potentially damage anyone visually or emotionally who might unfortunately see me in those Spandex shorts. I’m not quite that cruel. Canari.com

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Saleen Foursixteen 

Price: $152K

According to presenters: “From the outside, the Foursixteen is a harmonious blend of aerodynamic aggressiveness and subtle classiness. Applying the same championship Saleen DNA used over the last three decades, Saleen has created a car that can drive the streets of Monaco and set records at Laguna Seca. From the Saleen crafted front fascia to the carbon fiber rear diffuser, the Foursixteen aerodynamic design is as inspired as it is functional…”

4L Magazine’s take: Even you conservative hippie haters have to agree if Steve Saleen built this electric beast, it’s going to be scary fast and look way too cool for me to ever drive. I’m sure you can always just buy some motor oil and dump it on a few baby seals … then you’ll feel all better. Saleen.com

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The Motoped

Price: Starts at $2,000

According to presenters: “The Motoped is a high quality motorized bicycle at a great price. It uses a 49cc to 155cc 4-stroke horizontal OHV motor and downhill mountain bike parts mounted to a custom frame and swing arm. Motopeds are street legal in most states as a motorized bicycle and can be easily modified for more speed and power to your liking.”

4L Magazine’s take: Bring on the Zombies! If I had this pedaled green machine, there’s no way those slow movers could even get close. Plus it comes equipped with a shovel (for burying friends and family who eventually turn), a crossbow (again, friends and family … oh and slow movers of course), a mount for GPS (because I doubt Google Maps will be up and going during the Zombie Apocalypse). Unless Google causes the Zombie Apocalypse, which only makes sense at this point. Motopeds.com

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The Great Horror Campout

Price: $99 to $139

According to presenters: “About The Great Horror Campout —Summer Tour 2014: The Great Horror Campout is a 12-hour, overnight, interactive horror camping adventure. Campers can choose their level of engagement when they choose their activities and tent zone. The experience can be an extreme horror adventure or a more mild horror adventure. It’s completely up to the camper. Regardless of how high the camper chooses to turn up the volume on their experience, all content is strictly for entertainment purposes and at no time will campers ever be in real danger. 

The Great Horror Campout at its core is just FUN!”

4L Magazine’s take: It’s no secret to anyone who knows me, I’m a huge fan of everything scary or horror-laden … but then I’ll watch a spooky flick and be unable to sleep for three days and try to  cram myself into my daughter’s bed. I think the main reason my family dislikes horror movies is because it turns me into a  jumpy wimp. So if I go to The Great Horror Campout,  I’ll pack my extra pair of Snoopy boxers … to keep me safe.  Yep, just for safety. GreatHorrorCampout.com

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The Barisieur

Price: $425   

According to presenters: “The Barisieur is an alarm clock and coffee brewer. It eases the user into the day with the subtle movement of stainless steel ball bearings that boil the water through induction heating, accompanied by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. It encourages a ritual before going to sleep, signaling to the body and mind that it is time to unwind and relax. Living slow even when times are fast.”

4L Magazine’s take: Though this looks like a fantastic idea, for some reason I just know my innate ability to spill anything at anytime and that I will end up with face full of hot coffee … and the realization I paid $425 for facial burns and an alarm clock/coffee maker I had to punish into smithereens. JoshRenoufDesign.com